If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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