You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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