I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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