I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
