when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
