Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
