So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
