I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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