dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Drake has all the answers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
