Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
