oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
