I could have mohawked her pubes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
