wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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