The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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