I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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