there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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