new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
