Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
