wanna go halves on a baby?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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