While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
