I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
