apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He better not be in your backpack
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
did i just pee glitter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
