Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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