k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
