she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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