i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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