Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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