I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
