Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
