how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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