I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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