You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
