I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
