Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
