Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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