awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
