well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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