He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize