Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
