3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize