my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
