Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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