I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize