I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
