omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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