in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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