I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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