did you get engaged???
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
