he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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