You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
