doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
