Capitaan dildo arrescate!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
