Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
