she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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