Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
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