I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
