Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
