so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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