Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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