It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this just has baby written all over it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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