I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
