If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
