After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
