john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
